Valentine Surprise

Chris was out of town.  On valentines day. Boo!  I had zero expectations for the day.  I was only hoping that no one decided to go grape stomping in the kitchen.  That would be gift enough. 

Charlie woke up singing the ABCs about 6:30 this morning and I played dead for about five minutes until he finally started yelling for me. "Moooooooommmeeeeeee!  Goo mooooorrrrrrninnnnnn!"  I shuffled upstairs to release the beast. When I got to the top of the stairs Connor burst out of his room and yelled, "Happy Valentine's Day mommy!!!!  It is the day of love!"  I just about melted right there on the carpet. This sweet little man remembered that all on his own without his father there to prompt him and couldn't wait to greet and hug me. That is the cutest, sweetest, most adorable thing ever. EVER! Right?

Wrong. It got even cuter. He started jumping up and down and talking so quickly I almost couldn't understand him. "Mom!  Mom! I have some Valentine stuff for you stashed in my closet!"

He disappeared into his closet for a few seconds then came out with a stuffed purple elephant inside a coffee mug. He told me this was the gift he had chosen for me and I needed to name the elephant. Immediately. 

Back into his closet. Reappeared with a box of chocolates with green one-eyed monster on the front. This is what Charlie chose. Connor said it was a picture of me or Mike Wozowski from Monsters Inc.  He wasn't sure which.

One more trip into the closet and he produced a pair of earrings from one of my favorite jewelry designers. 

This child usually cannot keep a secret for two seconds yet he managed to get instructions from Chris several days earlier and keep his mouth shut about it.  I was amazed. Way to go Connor. And way to go Chris...Now THAT is a sweet hubby.

Bad Breath Gone Too Far

Everyone has their pet peeves - gum smacking, biting nails, bad grammar, excessive clearing of the throat - the list goes on.  I have lots. In fact, as I have thought more about it I realize I may have a serious problem. The one that annoys me the most is bad breath.  I can be as happy as a lark feeling kind and carefree but if I smell bad breath I instantly want to punch the person in the throat and douse them in Listerine. Ick.  I despise it.  It it gross and rude.  I mean come on!  Have a little bit of respect for the people around you!  Always carry a mint and a package of gum with you.  Invest in some wisps people.

I frequently tell my husband and children things like, "eeewwwww brush your teeth."  "Uugggghhhhhh your breath stinks."  "Ick do not breathe on me!"  I do realize this is rude but it is less rude than punching them in the throat.  Today I discovered that I may need to lay off a bit.  I took the boys to a Valentines party for the new moms group that I joined.  Connor was sitting on my lap and I commented that something smelled bad.  "It's probably my breath mom," Connor said.   Well isn't that a lovely first impression.  I whispered to him that it wasn't his breath and that I thought his shirt smelled moldy. He hopped up and he and Charlie started playing with the other kids. 

I sat for a while longer chatting with the other moms. When it was time to go we said our goodbyes and made our way to the door. I thought to myself, "Well that was nice.  The boys were polite, didn't make a huge mess and played well with the other kids.  Success!!!!!"  Connor pointed to a group of children still playing and said, "Mom, that girls breath was baaaaaaaad.  I told her that she really needs to brush her teeth."

Whoops.  So much for first impressions.  At least he didn't punch her in the throat. 

A Two Blog Kind Of Day

This evening Charlie decided that losing my entire one piece swimsuit at the end of a ride at Wet N Wild in 1995 was no longer worthy of being in my list of top five most embarrassing moments. 

It started off innocently enough. What does a mother do when her nerves are worn thin and her husband has a work dinner?  She takes her children to run free in the little piece of hell known as McDonalds. 

It was going pretty well as far as McDonalds experiences go. There was the nasty food, the weird smell and a birthday party happening at the table next to us but nothing too unbearable. I was writing my to do list for the rest of the week when I heard Connor yell, "Mom Charlie took his pants off!!"  And it wasn't just the pants. It was the diaper too. I busted into a full on sprint to my little flasher.

I can't be certain but I'm fairly sure that the entire six-year-old birthday party went silent and stared at Charlie's bare little butt.  I tried to shield him while Connor spent what felt like days looking for the missing britches but, as I've shared before, he is an exhibitionist and loves for people to see him naked. So my attempted coverup turned into me slinging a shrieking, half naked two-year-old boy over my shoulder while I turned bright red. 

After I redressed and scolded him I tried to walk back to the table with my head held high. But there is just no coming back from that. I could feel those judgmental party parents' eyes burning holes in my back and I began to wonder if a child could be arrested for exposing himself.  F it!  We are leaving!

And that is why today definitely warranted two blog posts.  

Does this face not scream rude tude!?!?  It's a good thing he is so cute!

Let's Not!

I want what every mother wants for her children. I want my boys to be kind, intelligent little men who are polite, respectful and make good choices. I do my best (most of the time) to model this behavior and correct them when they make bad decisions. But some days...some days I really just want to tell them, “Today, let's just not be awful. Mmmkay?” Some days I give up on attempting model behavior and I want them to just NOT BE AWFUL!

How about lets NOT spit in our teachers face. Let's NOT tell people that we don't care what they say. Let's NOT throw our shoes at the dashboard. Let's NOT lick the driveway. Let's NOT get sent the office at school (at least not both of you). Let's NOT have an accident in our pants. And let's NOT try everything we can think of to make our mother cry. Tomorrow we can try again to be calm, well-mannered gentleman but for the rest of the day please, please, please let's just NOT BE AWFUL! Please boys. Your mother is begging you.