Unconditional Love Redefined

Well, still no Charles. I thought it was going to happen today but no such luck. I started having slight contractions this morning and they have lasted all day. They would get closer together and give me high hopes then BOOM! Completely stopped. Needless to say I was in a pretty pissy mood today. I was trying to hold it together the best that I could because Connor gets a little freaked out when I get irritated. He is like a dog...can definitely sense fear.

Since I was not feeling well he OF COURSE had to put up a fight for everything this afternoon. It was time to get ready for swimming lessons and little man decided he needed to poo. Potty training has really given me a new definition of unconditional love. There is no other person in the world (I mean NO person) for whom I would sit on the floor in front of the toilet and let them rest their head on my shoulder while they pooped. Success! M&M's distributed, swim attire in place and sunscreen applied we headed off to swimming lessons. The teacher was running late and the other kids were playing on the step of the pool so I let Connor get in too while we waited. He decided he was going to hold on to the side and inch his way off the step. Then the little fearless man pushed off the side with his feet and started sinking about four feet away from the side. When he started flapping his arms up and down my instinct kicked in and I jumped into the pool to pool him out. Yes, I jumped into the pool 39 weeks pregnant wearing a sundress, flip flops and sunglasses. Surprisingly Connor was not scared and started yelling, "Thank you mommy for saving me!"

I sat in the sun to try to dry off but since the teacher arrived late all of the kids and parents for the next class arrived wondering why I was dripping wet in street clothes. Then I hear the Spanish accent from the teacher say, "Connor, did you poop?" Sure enough...poo in the pool. That was the last straw for me. Double embarrassment plus too much adrenaline and hormones equals the end of swimming lessons for the day.

I am still trying to figure out what kind of test God is giving me with this mess. I mean, I hope he has decided that I am worthy of another child because it's a little late for that now!

Tonight's Pregnancy Menu

Tonight's menu of aches and pains:

Sciatica served on a bed of dislocated hip

Pinched neck nerve served with a side of shooting pain down the arm finished with a clenched hand

Fresh lower abdominal stretch mark with a cherry red glaze

Hmm...I think I'll have the pinched neck nerve. No...why not try all three.

Why don't you just stick a knife in my heart?

Children can make you melt with pride and feel like you have been given the biggest gift in the world. They can also crush you and make you feel like the worst person who ever lived.

As we all know, I don't always have the cleanest mouth. I have really been trying to watch the things that I say and to limit my cussing to extreme situations only (ex. someone cutting me off on the highway or dropping a glass on the kitchen floor etc.) The problem is that my little man picks up EVERYTHING I say.

Chris got home from work today and told Connor that he had gotten a new Thomas DVD in the mail. Connor responded with an emphatic, "Oh My God!" This is certainly not the worst thing for him to say, I mean he didn't say "You are shitting me!" or anything like that but nonetheless this is not something that we want him to say. Chris got mad at him and told him not to say that anymore. Then he asked him where he learned those words and Connor stuck out his bottom lip and said as clear as day, "I learned it from mommy's words." Crush. Stab. Smack. It was one of the saddest moments I have had as a parent. We are talking up there with the time he fell off the couch when he was two months old and when I accidentally let him choke.

Let's see if it was enough to make me stop the bad language all together.

Proudest Moment

It was a big day at the Bass house! It was the first day of REAL swimming lessons. I was very nervous about Connor freaking out about it but did wonderfully! He did not cry one single tear. He got right in the pool and kept his cool while two of the other kids were losing their minds. He followed all the directions and put his face under water without hesitating. When the class was over he did not want to get out of the pool and asked when he could come back. Despite his successful swimming lessons, my most proud moment of the day was when Connor pooped in the big boy potty!! Woohoo!

Mommy Dents

A few weeks ago I had a minor car accident and got a few scratches on the front passenger side of my car. Ever since, I have noticed little dents and dings on other cars. As I was leaving Connor's school yesterday I noticed that almost every car in the parking lot had some kind of mark...a mommy dent. It is one of the unknown hazards of parenthood. Between passing food to the backseat, picking up dropped toys off the floor and turning movies on the DVD player it is amazing that I don't crash my car every day. I used to think driving while eating was an accomplishment. Hahaha! I can practically change a diaper while driving now!

My mommy dent is from turning into a parking spot a little too wide while pulling into the hospital to care for my screaming child with a broken leg. Jackson's mom got that crack in the bumper when she backed into the fence across the alley while she was opening a bag of cheerios. Old lady Schmitt accidentally side swiped a car and dented the passenger side when little Logan started throwing up all over the carseat. Mrs. Crane knocked her mirror off on a telephone pole trying to write down directions to Tanner's birthday party while wrapping his gift on the center console and holding her cell phone in the crook of her neck. It is attempted multitasking at a whole new level! As much as we try, we mommies are going to tap another car every once in a while. Occupational hazard. Now come on dads!! Suck it up and let us get our cars fixed!!!

Enough Pregnancy Grossies Already

This one is going to be gross so shut the window if you are squeamish.

I am not one of those women who loves being pregnant. I don't feel beautiful. I don't feel sexy. I don't feel alive. I feel like a giant, leaking tub of lard. I went through all of these icky things with my first pregnancy but I must have blocked them out. I think it is a natural defense that God created so that people will continue to reproduce and the world will continue. My newest complaint: the leaks. Everything leaks. It is SO gross. I haven't even had the baby yet and I need to walk around with breast pads and a diaper. Colostrum and mucous plugs with a little urine mixed in. How does ANYONE feel sexy?! I don't want to touch my own boobs much less let my husband have a go. Eew, eew, eew. It definitely says something about a man's sex drive versus a woman. There is no WAY I could overlook some of these pregnancy grossies. Pimples all over the face, weird hairs growing on the neck, saggy boobs, a huge belly that has so many stretch marks that it looks like a roadmap, flabby ass and jiggly thighs. Um, no thank you!! I guess I should feel lucky that my ankles and feet haven't swollen...yet. So I guess I am not disgusting head to toe. Only head to knee.

NOW, I quit!

In the past two weeks:

1. Connor broke his leg and got a cast
2. I was so frazzled pulling into the doctor's office that I hit a parked car.
3. Connor got a sinus infection complete with a fever and stinky attitude.
4. I got the same sinus infection with an even stinkier attitude.
5. My car died and the gas station while Chris was out of town. $135 for a new battery.
6. I threw my back out while giving Connor a bath...Chris still out of town.
7. My car overheated on the way to the doctor's office but luckily Chris was in town. $900 repair.
8. Someone stole my debit card information and we had to cancel my card.

Time to hide under a mattress in the bathtub.