Craptastic

It's been a long day. I'm tired. I'm grouchy. My child whining capacity was reached hours ago. The time out seat is smoking from all the booties that have been in and out of it today. I'm starving. 

 Let's just eat dinner and be lazy until bedtime, ok?

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I snap out of my fantasy. 

"I don't liiiiiike noodles!!!  I want McDonalds!"

"This YUCK mommy!"

I drag my dirty haired, stained clothes self to the table with my carb-free version of our family dinner.  They get penne pasta with meatballs, parmesean and garlic toast.  I get a giant pile of spaghetti squash with 1/2 cup of ground turkey and tomatoes. 

I shovel my squash in my mouth as fast as I can because I know the first request can't be too far off. 

Two bites in: "Moooooomy. I want dwrink!" "I want a drink too but not milk only water or apple juice.  I am NOT drinking milk!"

I drop two sippy cups of milk on the table.

"Nooooooooo!  I saaaid only water!" "yeah mommy, I no wike miwk toooooooo."

I completely ignore their mini-tyrant attempts at demands.  Start shoveling that food again before the next one comes. 

One more bite down and I start hearing gurgling. From both. Because, you know, Charlie see Charlie do.

"Boys, don't blow bubbles in your milk."

Giggling

"I'm serious guys. No bubbles."

Charlie spits milk in my face and the pebble sized morsel of calm I had left flies out the window.

"Time out both of you!!!  Now!!!"

"But mommy I need to poop!"

Damn it!  Poop trumps timeout. "Ok but timeout after."

The next hour passed something like this: someone has diarrhea and wrecks their pants. Someone is in timeout screaming.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Also throw in one self removal of a poopy diaper and a sit slide down the stairs with said poopy butt bare on carpet.  

Night ends with me running from house to escape to the peaceful grocery store leaving Chris alone to deal with the literal shitstorm. 

Some afternoons I've just got nothin left.  

At least I got this pic of Chris sniffing each stair and railing to make sure their was no poop smeared on it. Now that...that is a good man!