Lazy Ass

I am always reading articles in magazines, seeing posts on Facebook and hearing people ask, "what do you do all day as a stay at home mom."  So instead of defending my point and getting into a deep philosophical debate about it I thought I would straight out tell you what I do all day:

- Get up and feed the kids breakfast. 

-dress myself in workout clothes, put up my hair and brush my teeth ...beauty routine

- Hassle oldest child to hurry up and eat because we need to leave while I throw all of his mess into his backpack

-flop down on my bed for a few moments of fake sleep while said child finishes breakfast. 

-Ask oldest child to put on shoes and listen to the next five minute rant about why he doesn't like his tennis shoes and why does he always have to go to school  and when can he make all the rules. 

-drive to school to drop off child, deliver potato salad for the teachers luncheon and put our stuffed bunny into the donation box for sick children while oldest son complains that it is not fair that he didn't get a stuffed animal. 

- drive home and again plop face down in an attempt to fake a few more moments of sleep. 

- chase, catch and then wrestle youngest child to the floor to dress and put on shoes. 

- spend five minutes negotiating with and bribing child to get in the car

- drive to school and drop off lunatic #2

- drive to gym and try to cram an hour long workout into 30 minutes

- leave gym and head to grocery store where I proceed to speed shop for a weeks worth of food. 

- drive home, unload groceries, put groceries away, put in a load of laundry and move the load from yesterday to the pile on the floor. 

-clean up breakfast mess

- get meat for dinner out to thaw and chop vegetables needed for the recipe

- turn on shower but then sit down naked on the vanity bench and check Facebook 

- shower, get dressed and put on some makeup

- grab random baggies of leftover from the refrigerator, shove them in your mouth and call it lunch. 

- drive to cvs to pick up prescriptions

-argue with the pharmacist about the $4 i should actually be paying vs the $50 they are charging

- wait 10 minutes while she checks with the head pharmacist. Pay $4 and leave

- drive to pickup littlest man and call girlfriend in the car. Complain about errands and annoying children then talk about the perfect house/body/children/wardrobe we want. 

- pick up youngest and take him home

- talk about his day, the good the bad and the ugly. Play dinosaurs.

-Move the wet laundry to the dryer. 

- spend 5-7 minutes letting child decide what he wants for a snack in the car. Finally get frustrated and pick up a package of goldfish. Child starts screaming in protest while you drag him by one arm to the car. 

-drive to oldest sons school and park in the insanely long pick up line. 

- pick up son and listen to the proceeding explanation of what went wrong, what went really wrong and can he have a lollipop

-get home and carry 523 pounds worth of kid equipment into the house while they scratch at my legs and beg for snack. 

- serve snack but immediately start the time warnings that we have to leave for soccer in 10 minutes. 

- spend next 15 minutes putting the godforsaken soccer gear on the big child. 

- load soccer gear, snack, iPads and water into car. 

- scream at children that they will get a spanking if they don't get in the car right now!

- drive to soccer while trying to block out the whines about how mean I am. 

- play iPad games with the little while the big attempts to play soccer for 55 minutes

- load crew and equipment back into car. Then begins the complaints about what gross things I am probably making for dinner and why can't we go out to eat

- arrive home and plop children in front of the electronic babysitting box

- cook dinner and set table while attempting to time it right so it we be hot when husband arrives home

- husband and I eat dinner while our children whine and complain about the disgusting meal I cooked. On some extra special nights vomiting on the table is included. 

- send husband and children upstairs to play

- clean the kitchen and wash the dishes for the next hour in relative silence with the males upstairs. Walk around the house and try to clean up any messes that involve bodily fluids or may attract ants. 

- hide in my room if I finish early 

- baths, reading, brushing, praying and then it's whack a mole bed time. 

-when they are finally asleep I have zero motivation left to do anything...oh but there is more

- spend the next 30-60 minutes working on our home business paperwork

- wash my face and lay on the couch with my hub feeling so tired and ready for sleep. 

- body refuses to sleep so I write

...morning again...

So how does it sound people?  Yeah, I guess I AM a big lazyass!

Pretty Sure I Cannot Offend Anyone With This

It is another one of those nights where I am super tired but cannot sleep. We had a full day of spring (un)break activities and have another one set up for tomorrow so I should really be catching some z's. But alas...I am awake.

Instead of thinking about all the things I need to do/should have done today/didn't do today/will have to do tomorrow, I am thinking about my friends. There is no doubt that I have a wonderful family, my husband is a superstar and my sons are my biggest blessings...no question there. But I rarely thank my friends for their important roles in my life. They each contribute something irreplaceable to my life.

I have the friend who is my mommy mentor. She was a mommy before and with me. She amazes me with her ability to juggle all her children's schedules and activities while also taking such good care of herself. She is healthy and strong and the original supermom friend I've had.

I have the friend who is not a mommy yet. She will be. It's her destiny. She is such a damn hard worker and puts her complete self into whatever her task of the moment is. She has been through some awful, stinky, unfair things and she has emerged on top and ready to kick ass. She is funny, emotionally strong, dedicated and the most loyal friend I have.

I have the friend who is the mommy I know will always make me laugh and will never be offended by my rude language or snarky comments. She makes me feel incredibly comfortable to be myself and does not judge me. She is smart, observant and honest. She is also HILARIOUS!

I have the friend who I love and hate at the same time. I love her because she is kind, supportive and a generally happy person to be around. I hate her because she is a complete knockout and has the patience of a saint with her children. She is uplifting, easygoing and real.

I have the friend who cannot be shocked by anything. I can freak out just about any person on the planet with stories from my boys...but not her. She has a stomach of steel and she can outdo any level of weirdness/grossness/ inappropriateness etc. She is so secretive about the unpleasant things going on in her life that you would never know there was something upsetting her. She is steadfast, amazingly generous and creative.

I have the friend who is the most accomplished professional woman I know. She has worked her tushie off to get to the level she has reached. She is a genius and somehow still so gentle and loving. She will talk circles around you and disprove your point with interesting facts and figures and will then hug you and schedule to take you to dinner on her way out. She is feisty, brainy and so giving of her affection.

And these are just a few of the incredible friends I have. How on earth do I deserve these friends? Thank you Lord for bringing these women into my life. Thank you for giving me such a variety of amazing women to guide me, support me, love me, laugh with me, cry with me, set me straight when I need it and point me in the right direction when I stray.