Convenience my ass!

Chris's company got a new flexible spending account service last month. The old one was wonderful. You just swipe the little debit card and thats it. This one is horrible. We have had it for about a month now and keep getting these "Request for substantiation documentation" notices in the mail. So then I have to call the doctor's office and ask for a copy of the itemized receipt, they mail it to me and then I have to mail it to the FSA provider. Failure to do so within 60 days results in suspension of your account. This is a PITA so I decided to call the company, Discovery Benefits, to find out why all these claims are getting flagged and what I can do to prevent it. I thought I was being so efficient and proactive.

The customer service lady said that doctors offices, dentists, hospitals etc are not set up to instantly provide the information that proves that your claim meets the IRS requirements to be FSA eligible. Most pharmacies and over the counter medications have this information built into their barcodes. So every time we swipe the card at the doctor, dentist or hospital we will get one of these fabulous documentation requests in the mail. Um, hello! What the hell do they think I am buying at the Fetal Care Center? Unfortunately they don't sell shoes or handbags there so I am obviously paying for someone to measure my uterus size and check to make sure my cervix is still closed!!! I mean, come on!!!!! So much for convenience.

Taking a Chill Pill

I have been so wired and stressed lately with all the craziness going on in our house. We have had construction workers here for three weeks and of course I have been nauseated again, so SORE I can hardly walk and our days have been a blur of grouchiness since little man has a hard time napping while there is construction going on. So after a day of trying to keep an angry two year old contained to the two rooms in our house that do not have tools and tarps on the ground, Chris comes home to a pissy kid and an even pissier wife. Poor guy. He can't win for losing. I complain for months about wanting to get the bathroom remodeled and when he finally lets me do it I complain about the mess and the noise and the inconvenience. Sorry to say this, but women really are impossible to please.

Chris went to a baseball game with a couple of friends on Friday night and I blew up at him. After talking it out (and lots of tears on my part) I finally realized that I have been being a total psycho. I have GOT to relax. The anger is not good for me, not good for my marriage and not good for my child. So for the last three days I have been trying to let things roll off my back more. And you now what? I am all right. I need to remember this the next time I start going insane. Chill is a lot more fun than stressed.

Side note: the house is ALMOST finished. All the tile is laid upstairs and we are only missing two pieces of baseboard, one toilet needs to be set and I am still waiting for the mirrors for the master bathroom. After that...don't let me do any major home projects unless I can go on vacation the whole time they are working.

Two Kids...Attempt #1

Chris and I are keeping McKenzie this weekend so Kelli can go to a bachelorette party in New Orleans. This is the first time she has gotten to do anything alone since the baby was born. Kelli left at 6 this morning and Chris left the house at 5:15 to catch a flight to Oklahoma City for work. Of course Connor woke up at 5:15 when he heard his dad walking around and refused to go to sleep. And so began my first day taking care of two children.

For the most part we did fine. About 4:30 everyone hit their limit and started breaking down. Connor was whining about wanting another snack and wanting to watch a show. McKenzie was inconsolable. I have no idea why. That is one thing about infants I forgot. And I was tired from taking care of a two year old, a two month old and an 8 month in utero.

I used today as a trial run to see what my daily life is going to be like in two months. Here are the things I learned:

1. Connor does not know how to entertain himself very well. This is mostly my fault because I have always let him dictate what we do most of the day. I didnt realize this until today. He plays with something for two minutes and then wants me to come play with him. IMPOSSIBLE with a baby. His lack of self entertainment led me to allow him to watch way more television than usual. That leads me to number two.

2. I need to accept the fact that when I have two children they will watch more than the recommended allowable one hour that all the pediatric experts recommend and I need to come to terms with this. It is just not going to be possible for me to devote my complete attention to two kids at once and that is all right.

3. This is going to be harder than I thought. I always imagined that it would be twice as much work to have two children as it is having one. WRONG! It is ten times harder! I am going to attribute some of this to the fact that this was my first day. Just like a first day at a new job, it takes some getting used to and figuring out how things work.

4. I am going to have a lot of guilt about not spending as much time with each child as I would like to. I felt so bad all day when Connor was acting jealous. I wish I had extra arms. I am still having a hard time figuring out how you can love two babies equally. I guess I will find out soon.

I think I am worth at least $300 grand!

My cousin posted a comment on his facebook page today that said he read a study that said that if stay at home moms were paid for their work they would make about $170,000 per year. I started thinking about it and I think I am worth WAY more than that!! Breakdown:
Full time childcare for a two year old (this is about to double with Charlie): $15/hr 24 hours a day, 7 days a week $2520/week
Live In Housekeeper (I admit that I suck at this one so I might make less): $1000/week
Sending out Laundry: $1.50/pound and 20 pounds per week $30/week
Personal assistant/grocery shopper/errand runner: $500/week
Driver (airport trips/car drop off etc): $30/trip about $100/week
Personal Chef: $1000/week (seriously! I looked it up!)
Handyman/homerepair: $100/hr at 2 hours per week $200/week

By my calculations that comes out to $5350/week and a grand total of $278,200/year. And that is not even including one of the most expensive line items...Prostitute! Now, I am not a cheapie-pick-me-up-on-the-street-corner kind of girl.
Hooker: $1000 a pop and 3/week (ok, not right now but I am pregnant so give me a break! But in THEORY) $3000/week

So that's an extra $156,000/year.

According to my calculations I should earn about $434,200. Where's my check?! ;)

Why I Should Not Hire Cheap Labor

I have been begging and begging my husband to let me get our master bathroom remodeled. It was built in the mid 90s and is loaded with brass fixtures and white ceramic tile. Plus, the grout in the shower continually molds and falls out. It looks nasty and I am pretty sure that is not healthy to stand on every day while bathing. For my Valentine's day gift this year he finally gave in and told me that I could get it redone! Wahoo!! That is when the troubles began. I called two general contractors to get estimates for the work. I didn't think it would be too expensive since I was going to keep the cabinets, countertops and bathtub. WRONG. One bid was around $13,000 and one was almost $15,000. OK, plan B. I thought I could fix some of the eye sore issues myself. I shopped around on ebay and bought all new doorknobs, cabinet pulls and light fixtures. A monkey could install new doorknobs and cabinet pulls so I finished those quickly. I summoned the electrician within and installed the lights. Three ceiling lights and three vanity lights...easy enough, right? On the last light I tightened a screw a little too much and ended up cracking the mirror from top to bottom. So much for the cheap fixes. Hiring a contractor to handle everything was out of the question so I started subbing things out myself. Demolition work, tile layer, new faucets, plumber, electrician, paint etc. Being the bargain shopper that I am, I hired our old pal Manuel the handyman to do the demo, paint and replace the faucets. Some of Manuel's employees are, shall we say, less than legal in this country. When he took down the mirrors we discovered several holes in the drywall and large chunks missing from glue. So he calls his brother in law Alvino. When Alvino and his "helper" arrived to the neighborhood I got a call from the guard gate saying I needed to drive to identify them because they had no identification. What a pain but fine, whatever. I dragged my pregnant self to the car, loaded the kid and made my way to Gate 2. When I got there the guard told me that they had taken off. It turns out that Alvino's "helper" was afraid he was going to get arrested and deported. So I am driving around the neighborhood entry gates looking for these guys to tell them I am not going to call INS. Meanwhile Manuel is not answering his phone to help me out because he knows I am mad about the dent he put in my wood floor (yet another reason not to hire cheap labor). I gave up looking and headed back to my house. As I pulled up I saw Alvino's van parked in front and a man climbing out of the back. I am pretty sure that when the gate guard called me to come identify them, that Alvino left, went to a parking lot and had his "helper" lay down in the back of the van and cover up with a tarp or a piece of drywall or something. Lord...the things I do to save a buck!

Happy Birthday...How About I Burn The House Down?

Yesterday was my sweet husband's 31st birthday. I got back from a 24 hour trip to San Antonio late the night before and was exhausted! My back hurt so badly that I could barely walk. Add, sciatica, loss of abdominal muscle control and random pregnancy crotch pain and I was not the most pleasant party thrower.

I tried to cook breakfast in bed for the birthday boy but I ended up leaving a waffle on the waffle iron for about 30 minutes and Chris had to put out a miniature fire. Happy Birthday...how about I burn down the house for you?! Sorry sweetie.

We went to dinner with some friends but due to my fantastic physical state the poor guy didn't even get to go out for a dinner drink. His waddling wife had to drag him home at 9:30. My how times have changed. A birthday 10 years ago...shoot, even five years ago...would have involved a little more fun than last night. Sorry hon. I'll make it up to you the next time I am not pregnant, raising a small child or in pain :)