Do you have any kids vato? Yeah, didn't think so

Be forewarned: do not read this if you are sensitive to displays of anger, rude comments, bad language or derrogatory names. We just got back from Florida and I had an encounter with a less than kind TSA agent.

SO, let me preface this by saying that I do not travel well. I never have. Even before Connor was in the picture, I have always been a pretty big bitch when driving or flying long distances. My poor husband...

After a long weekend visiting Chris's brother and parents in Orlando we began our long trip back yesterday afternoon. Of course I was already a little on edge from being out of town, the check in lines were long, we had a ton of crap to haul (two suitcases, two backpacks, a bag of toys, a carseat, a stroller and a two year old) and the security line was long and hectic. I know, I know, this is to be expected in the Orlando airport with all the families leaving Disney World. I have never had a problem before bring babyfood, milk and juice for Connor. I just tell the person scanning bags that I am carrying these things for my child. Fabullous Orlando International Airport decided to ruin my streak.

The first smartass 20-year-old Hispanic TSA "agent" (I use this word loosely because I don't actually respect that these morons have any authority whatsoever) grabs my bag and tells me he has to search it and I need to follow him to the examination area. Fine jackass, but first I have to collect my purse, toy bag, stroller, baggie of less than 3 oz items, shoes, child's shoes and then I can proceed to your very official examination cubby. Chris was detained to prove that his laptop wasnt an explosive device so I was on my own. Apparently Jackass #1 was annoyed that he had to wait so long for me to step into his office.

He pulled everything out of my bag, groups my unapproved items together, points and them and says, "what is this?" Um, that is the baby food and milk that I already told you was in my backpack genius.
"Maam, you are not allowed to carry liquids over 3 oz into the airport."
"Yes, but I was under the impression that there was an expemtion for baby food and milk." "How old is that kid?"
"He is two."
"So is he an infant?"
"I just said he is two-years old."
"Ma'am it is a courtesy if I let you bring ANY of this thru. Which items do you need?"
"All of them. That is why I am bringing them into the airport."
"Where are you going?"
"Dallas"
"How long is that flight?:
"Two and a half hours."
"Miss, there is no way that kid can consume this much in a two hour flight." Keep in mind I had three squeeze packs of baby food, one bottle of juice and two milk boxes. About this time Chris walked up and asked what the problem was. Jackass #1 gave Chris his version of the recap and Jackass #2 walks up with another juice box that Chris had in his bag. Jackass #2 "They had this one too. There is no way that kid is going to drink all that on one flight"

Sidebar, who the hell are you two turds to say how much my son is or is not going to eat and drink on a flight. First off, it is dinner time. Second, food and drink is used as a distraction. Third, he has to have something to drink to keep his ears from popping. Fourth, I hate you and want to initiate my pregnant gag reflex and barf all over your greasy face.

Jackass #1:
"I can't let you take this."
"Do you have any children?"
"It is a courtesy for me to let you take ANYTHING!"
"I said, do you have any children?!" (my attitude is beyond rude at this point)
"No I don't have any children."
"I didn't think so. You have no idea how much crap it takes to entertain a child on a two and a half hour flight!"

Jackass #1 pulls out a juice box and two baby food packs and throws the rest in the trash. He scans or pretends to scan them with an explosive detecting stick. He put them back in my backpack and says, "Have a nice flight." I grabbed bag, stormed off and called him fucker as I walked away. Very mature, I know.

For some reason this whole episode really, really made me mad. My blood pressure was off the chart and as soon as I stepped on the tram I burst into tears. If he can't have a little sympathy for a pregnant chick with a two year old then he must not feel anything.

Just because you are bitter because you are not smart enough to be a real police officer or even a mall cop and had to settle for a job as a TSA "agent" does not give you the right to be such a bitch ass! And since all of your children live with their respective mothers or are in state custody don't pretend like you know how much food a child will eat at any given time or how they will act on a plane.

Well I feel better. Watch out Jackass #1 and #2...next time that baby food will become hair gel for you!

Lesson Learned: Pregnant Asses Should Not Paint Bathrooms

I have been procrastinating like crazy finishing painting the walls in Charlie's room. I had big plans for stripes in the beginning but since the navy wall took me three coats I kind of lost momentum. I finally worked up the oomph tonight to paint the vanity area. Warning: if you are pregnant and/or have a big ass, you should not paint a room that is only two feet wide. I ruined one of my only pair of fitting workout pants in the process. Every time I turned around to get more paint on the roller I dipped my butt on the wall behind me. Not a pretty picture.

One day I will convince Chris to let me get someone else to do these home improvement things. I mean, you would think that husband makes enough money that I could hire Manuel for $300 to come paint the baby's room!! Not so. If I want anything updated in this house I have to do it myself. Maybe if I break enough things he will change his mind. Hmm...something to think about.

McKenzie Is Here!!!

McKenzie Lauren made her appearance today at 1:14. She weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 19.75 inches long. Kelli was awesome and popped that nugget out in only 15 minutes! It was quite an eventful past 36 hours.

Kelli woke up Friday morning having contractions about 15 minutes apart but they did not hurt too much. Mom couldn't stand to be away so she came to my house about 10 am. Kelli had them all day long and finally called the doctor about 9 pm. Her doctor, Dr. Martin, was not on call so she spoke to Dr. Carter. He told her to go into the hospital so they could check her and see if she needed to be admitted. About that time I started vomiting horribly. FABULOUS! Of all nights for me to get food poisoning... Mom took Kelli to the hospital about 11 (I stayed home since I was still tossing my cookies). They measured her at only two centimeters and told her they would check again in an hour and if she had progressed they would admit her. Much to her dismay, she was still only two centimeters an hour later. She and mom came traipsing back to my house about 3 am. Meanwhile, I am still losing much lunch repeatedly.

Around 6 am, Kelli decided she could not take the pain any longer so she and mom went back to the hospital. She was now at three centimeters so they admitted her. Dad came to my house about 8:30 am and we headed off to the hospital together. On the way there Mom called and said that she was five centimeters and the doctor had broken her water. McKenzie was going to arrive TODAY!

Dad and I got to the hospital right after Kelli had gotten an epidural...thank Heaven! She was feeling good now. At 10:30 she had progressed a little more but her contractions were spreading out a bit so Dr. Carter decided to give her pitocin to speed things along. He told her he would check her again at 12:30.

Everyone tried to relax and Kelli attempted a nap to no avail. At 12:30 we heard the words we had all been waiting for, "Kelli, you are ready to push!" I think a little panic came over her when she realized it was go time. The nurse came into the room and prepared all the instruments while mom and I waited anxiously. The nurse and mom surrounded her while I stood in the back with the camera. I had been instructed to only take pictures from the north end.

The first contraction came and Kelli pushed like a champ. Dr. Carter told her that he could already see McKenzie's hair and that he didn't think she would have to push very long. Sure enough, about four contractions later the little angel was out! The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck but the doctor quickly clamped it off and cut it free. She laid on Kelli's chest and took in the view. She was as quiet as a mouse and the nurse had to jiggle her a little to get her to cry.

Although the initial contractions took forever, she was out in a hurry. She is beautiful and sweet and we are so happy she is here!

I figured out why it is called the terrible two's

It's not because they all of the sudden start acting so much worse. It is not because they refuse to cooperate. It is not because they are headstrong. It is all of the above and because not one thing gets resolved before another one starts. THAT is why it feels like things are so much worse. I feel like before now we would have one problem (behavior issue, refusing to eat, not sleeping etc.) and would focus solely on that issue until it was resolved. Now, the problems are coming so fast that I cannot bat them all away. He refuses to eat anything except sandwiches and goldfish. He pushes other kids. He climbs on everything and then jumps off of it. He refuses to respond to punishment of any kind. One after another after another without resolution to ANYTHING. I need a bigger bat.

Snow Day

Today was Connor's first official snow day where his school was cancelled. We had a good old fashioned family slacking day (minus Chris working upstairs). I ran out of activities about 3 pm. Before that we all went outside...for 5 minutes.

Weenie or no weenie and psycho child

I haven't posted anything on here in ages. Mostly because I am pregnant, tired and felt like crap for a few months. Things are FINALLY going better. This whole nausea all day thing is for the birds.

We find out tomorrow (hopefully) if we are having another boy or a girl. I really, really think it is a boy and I am happy with that. I already have all boy things and I think Connor would have a great time playing with a little brother. I had always told Chris that if we had two boys we could adopt a girl. Connor has been a bit of a handful lately to say the least so I am starting to doubt if I could handle three children. Heck! I can hardly handle one.

Today was the meltdown of all meltdowns. I swear a demon overtook my child and was controlling his actions. He was at his friend Brooks's house having a grand ole time and I had to come pick him up and ruin the fun. When I told him it was time to go he took off running up the stairs. I chased him, tackled him (that's right...picture a pregnant lady wrestling with a two year old) and carried him over the shoulder style to the car. Mission accomplished, right? Wrong! Trying to get the child strapped into his car seat took the next ten minutes. I don't understand how such a small person has enough strength to fight off a grown woman, but he does. He flung himself out of the seat and started running around the car. Once I tackled him again I shoved him into the seat but he would not relax his hips so I could fasten the buckle. I tried karate chopping him in the waist. I tried lifting his feet and forcing him to sit. I even tried jamming my knee into his stomach. No dice. I finally had to loosen the straps as much as I could, fastened the buckle then tightened them as much as I could. All the way home we had screaming, flailing, hyperventalating even slapping himself in the face. It took ten minutes at home kicking the door and a Thomas video on the iphone to finally calm him down. What the heck is wrong with this kid?! And I have another one coming. Ay yay yay!

Great Job Review

Well, at least that is what I am calling it. I don't get reviews. I don't get a raise or promotion. Nope...not even a pat on the back. My boss is a big complainer and expects me to do everything for him. But today I got a good job review! Connor can successfully identify about 20 letters. I am so proud. It makes you feel like maybe...just maybe he occasionally listens when I am trying to teach him. I am sure that some of his success is from school or his numerous learning toys but I am going to give myself a little boost and say that I taught him his alphabet (almost).

I have a parent/teacher conference the first week of December and I am very curious to see what they say. How do you judge a two year old's school performance? He can stack blocks and do a puzzle. What else does a two year old need to know?

For now I am going to basque in this small victory. Now on to getting the kid to eat something besides goldfish.